Eternal Return

Here We Go Again

What is it with me and blogging? Why this need to be seen, to bare my soul at a deep level to mostly strangers? To speak to the unknown, the mirror? To forever mar the blank page and call it--what?--beauty? Rhetorical questions all, and they may never have their answers.

Yet, I return to writing. Ever and again--eternally. It's not that I believe I have anything particularly ground-breaking to say, or that my experience is all that interesting. The hope of fame or notoriety is absent from my motives. This part of me that asks for a reason, for meaning, perhaps it is the driving force behind the eternal return.

When I consider what has been the most intriguing about my history of journal-keeping, diarist documentaries, these pages of pondering, is the growth and expansion I find between writing and revisiting at some later date. I receive an hawk's eye view of emerging patterns, deeper motives I hadn't seen before, and an outline for the deep personal work and reformation of self that began the moment I first wrote in this way at the comparably innocent age of 10.

Author's Note

Everything you read here is colored by the writer's personal experience. These are the words of a white woman of a "certain age," with some higher education, and continued self study in the realm of academia. I'm a feminist, a mother, a sister, and daughter (she/her/hers). I am a pagan, a witch, a practitioner of ancestral animism rooted in Northern, Western and Eastern Europe. I am a creative, a vocalist, a ritualist/ceremonialist, writer and poet, songwriter and musician. I work with oracles, vibrational energy, plant and animal allies, planets and stones and stars. I will ask your sun, moon and rising signs. I read--a lot. I love words and learning languages: I speak three, read five, and would know more. I hold space for those who navigate the wild seas of healing themselves from trauma and deep wounding. I wish always to use my privilege to lift up, amplify, and encourage marginalized voices and those who never had the opportunity to speak. I am a cancer survivor. I am a rape survivor. I have complex PTSD from both. I am healing myself.

I am becoming.